As the back–to–school season approaches, anxiety may be setting in for both kids and their parents (hey, staff, too!). When our children have specific sensory needs, it can exacerbate uncomfortable feelings. Loud classrooms, scratchy clothing, non–preferred foods, and the unpredictability of a new routine are plenty enough to get systems into sensory overload. While I think it’s important to accept that some anxiety is ok, and unavoidable, we can start the school year off on a lighter note with a little preparation. Let’s take a look at some ways we can prepare our households for a smoother transition to ring in the new school year.
The Importance of Routines
Many of you have already figured out that children depend on routine, sometimes rigidly. A predictable routine can help children with sensory needs feel secure and in control. Consistency can help us with our sensory processing, helping to keep us regulated. Sensory processing refers to how the brain interprets and responds to sensory information in our environment. When our kids have difficulty processing the sensory input, we may start to see signs of dysregulation. These can start off as small, inconspicuous behaviors, but could quickly turn into disruptive behavior that can derail a schedule. When we can create consistent morning and nighttime routines, we can better prepare for these sensory experiences, which will help our kids to process and feel more comfortable.
Routines are important to establish trust and a sense of security. Our littles, especially our neurodivergent ones, are more easily out into a fight, flight or freeze response. “Fight or flight” is something that’s deeply wired into each of us–something that’s been with us since the very beginning of time. Imagine this: You’re walking through a forest, and suddenly you hear a rustle in the bushes. Your heart starts to race, your breath quickens, and every sense in your body is on high alert. That, my friend, is your fight–or–flight mode kicking in. It’s your body’s natural way of protecting you, preparing you to either stand your ground and fight or to take off running to safety. In some cases, you may want to freeze, hiding from a potential threat.
This response isn’t just about physical danger, though. In our modern world, our brains can kind of trick us, and it can happen when we feel stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed. Your body is trying to shield you, ready to respond to what it perceives as a threat. Thanks, anxiety!
But here’s the thing: While fight–or–flight can be incredibly useful, it can also take a toll on us if we’re living in that state too often.
When we can establish predictable outcomes, our bodies can function properly, allowing us to complete tasks necessary to move through the day. Consistent routines build trust between a child and their environment, as well as between the child and their caregivers. When kids know that certain activities happen in a specific order, they feel more secure in both daily activities and skill development. This security is crucial for children with sensory needs, who may struggle with sudden changes or transitions. Routines often include rituals or cues that signal upcoming transitions, helping the child prepare mentally and emotionally for the change. This can make transitions smoother and less stressful, while also promoting independence as they can predict what comes next.
So, let’s discuss some of these routines.
Establishing Nighttime Routines
Creating a nighttime routine for your neurodivergent child on school nights can be challenging, but there are small adjustments you could make to help ease into the night. As we move from a summer schedule that might offer some additional freedom in our schedules, and later sunsets, we will need to consider a gradual adjustment into September (or August for those of you who start earlier). If you’re like our family, we sometimes soak up as much of the summer day as possible, squeezing dinner, bath and bedtime routine into a smaller window of time. As the school year approaches, consider gradually shifting bedtime and wake–up times to what it will resemble come school season.
Bedtime routines can actually start a couple of hours before our heads hit the pillow. Consider shutting down technology two hours before it’s time to go to sleep. While a screen can provide parents time to clean up after dinner and get some things into order, allowing children to use a screen as bedtime approaches can disrupt their bodies ability to wind–down by delaying the production of melatonin– a hormone that helps us to become sleepy. If removing the TV or device is possible for you, it may involve some additional planning earlier in the day.
You may be wondering (or semi–panicking) what can take the place of these screens, I totally get it. If you can find a quieter spot in your house, your child may enjoy listening to a story on a Yoto or Tonies box. These also give your child some autonomy in choosing the story they would like to listen to at that time. If your child likes to build or fidget, I love Squigz. Kids love to build and just play with these silicone shapes. They can also be used in the bath! While your child is in their calming area, they may enjoy relaxing lights. Dimming the lights a bit, also signals to your child that it is the start of rest and “quiet” time. Continuing this into bath time, and ultimately their bedroom will also help give the signal that sleep is approaching. Once out of the shower or bath, if tolerated, you can provide your child with a relaxing massage using a relaxing scented lotion, like lavender, or unscented lotion.
Talking to your child in a soft, playful voice will also give them a useful cue of what’s to come. Following a massage, my oldest often requests joint compressions, particularly when he is having trouble falling asleep. Before attempting, please consult with your occupational therapist. North Valley Pediatric Therapy discusses joint compressions, and when and how to use them. Joint compression provides input into one’s joints for proprioceptive input. NVPT mentions how proprioception refers to the physical input on the body’s joints, muscles and bones that then elicit chemical, physiological, and physical changes in the body. When we can improve our body awareness through this input, we are able to feel more secure and organized, therefore more able to feel relaxed and calm.
Your nighttime routine could end with a story, a tight tuck into the blankets and a kiss goodnight, or laying with your child until they fall asleep. You can make this part unique and special to your family.
Moving Into The Morning Routine
Part of this morning routine actually starts the night before. Eek, sorry! We know our kids have sensory sensitivities and preferences. Picking out an outfit together for the following day may alleviate some anxiety and rushing in the morning. I know…what they may choose at night can suddenly switch in the morning, but we can only do our best. Safe to say, you may have to have a solid backup in mind to offer before a meltdown begins. In my experience, a tag or scratchy jeans can be jarring. You may want to cut the tags out or choose label–free options. Sweatpants are perfectly fine, by the way! Take into consideration the temperature outside, as well as at school or in the classroom. The morning is a great time to talk about the weather, and appropriate clothes your child may need to stay comfortable. Neurodivergent kids may feel temperature differently than you, so as long as they are safe, trust that they know their bodies. They don’t have to wear the light jacket, but they can include it when packing up their backpack. My personal tip, get dressed after breakfast in case a bowl of milk happens to spill!
This leads me to talk about breakfast. Breakfast isn’t the most glamorous time of day in our house. Having a selective eater in the house, I know how kids don’t always (or ever) eat what we would prefer them to before school day. Offering a choice of preferred breakfast options that you also are in agreement with will provide your child with independence while reducing anxiety. This is an example of a time that you can incorporate visuals, such as a picture–based menu of things you have available or simply presenting the actual items.
Playing music during breakfast can help regulate your child and also give them a sense of time. When a particular set of songs end, it’s time to move on to the next step. You’ll need to account for enough time with this strategy if your kids like to stick to a really strict routine. In this case, you may want to opt for a visual timer that lets them know how much time is left. I prefer to avoid red colored timers, as that signifies rushing to me. I really like the blue and green options for that are available.
Other ways that visuals can be incorporated are packing up the backpack and brushing teeth. Your child can take a step towards accountability by ensuring that necessary items are packed for the day. While you can take pictures of the actual items, I suggest choosing a picture that represents the items so that your child does not become too set on that specific item. In the event that something breaks or is misplaced, you may be able to avoid a meltdown when the picture is presented.
You may also consider a breakdown of steps to brush teeth so that your child can continue to work towards independence. Routine visuals can be laminated or placed in a page protector, and can be written on with a dry erase marker as each step is complete. You can fade this support for your child as they become comfortable at each step. This is another great time to consult your occupational therapist or a trusted BCBA for assistance.
Preparing for a New School
This particular tip is specific to starting a new school/building, but can still apply to kids who get nervous about transitions. I encourage parents to bring their kids to the school’s playground when it is available, prior to the school year starting. I find that this allows the child to explore the potentially most fun part of their school environment, and fosters a sense of community. Our neurodivergent kids also like to know details. You may consider contacting the school to request a quick tour to check out the office, classrooms, bathrooms, and any other potential paths. If your child does not participate in an extended school year program through the school’s special services, you can reach out to see if your child is able to meet their new teacher. This one can be a little tough, so consider this option if you feel that it will truly make an impact on your child’s transition to school.
Collaborating with Your Child’s Educators
Prior to the school year starting, it may be helpful to share information about your child with their new teacher. This can be a quick email to introduce your child and help establish a line of communication with your child’s teacher. If you’re unsure of what to say, you can use the template linked below. You will need to sign into Canva to be able to edit.
If your child already has a 504 or IEP, I still recommend sending a “hello” email to your new teacher if there is something that is relevant as school approaches. Maybe there are dietary or medication changes, or something your child has made progress with that you would like their teacher to be able to support. Any particular accommodations or modifications should be listed in their formal documents, however there are little tidbits that can ebb and flow and may be beneficial for the educators to know. If there is something your child absolutely needs, don’t hesitate to double check on it to ensure a smooth transition in and out of the building.
Lastly, talking about school scenarios and reading books or social stories can help support your child back to school. While eating dinner together, in the bath, or wrapping up the bedtime routine, you can role–play common school scenarios such as getting on the bus, entering the classroom, following instructions, and transitioning between activities. Social stories are short and personalized narratives designed to help individuals, especially those with autism or other neurodivergencies, understand and navigate social situations. Social stories use clear and straightforward language, often accompanied by pictures or visual cues, to explain what someone might expect in a particular situation, expected behavior, and an explanation as to why things are happening. Speech therapists and special education teachers are great resources for creating social stories. The Vanderbilt Kennedy Center provides a guide on how to create these stories for any situation here How to Write a Social Story™
All of these planning tips are stronger with the input of your child whenever possible. Your child may be able to choose the color of the items that go into their backpack, the lunchbox they will use that day, and even how they will walk out to the bus. While you are doing all that you can, know that you are not alone in the daily struggles. Prior to the school year starting, consider reaching out in parent support groups or online communities of parents who have children with similar sensory needs. If struggles persist and you are feeling overwhelmed, I encourage you to consult with your child’s outside providers like occupational therapists, speech therapists, school psychologists, or counselors. It is an immense privilege to have friends or family who are available to support. Wherever the support may be, please consider finding a connection.
Preparing for the back–to–school season requires a mindset shift, planning, and a focus on your child’s and family’s specific needs. By taking proactive steps and fostering open communication with your child and their educators, you can create a supportive and positive school experience for your child with sensory needs.